Imagine being the guy that came up with the idea of selling moonshine in China.

Imagine the bragging rights, even if the eventual business went belly up.

Yep, Tong Li thought he had it made when he realized the U.S. had “baijiu,” and he was going to repatriate it.

There was just one major problem.

It wasn’t the startup capital. It wasn’t finding a partner.

“My wife doesn’t like the idea of making liquor,” Mr. Li told China International Business magazine. “She is a very strong Christian.”

Eventually, Mr. Li convinced his wife to support his China moonshine idea “by saying that even Jesus turned water into wine.”

Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage, as Frank Sinatra would say, but China business and marriage do not, at least not among the foreign married crowd coming to China seeking riches.

Mr. Li is Chinese, but the 49-year-old was living with his wife and three children in the United States when he came up with his moonshine-for-China idea. His move was a transcontinental one, but at least it was back to his homeland. Married foreigners with grandiose China dreams, or even ones suddenly given a lucrative company assignment in the Far East, have a lot of convincing to do at home before they ever make it.

Shockingly, half of expatriates that moved abroad never even thought about how moving would affect their personal situation, according to a survey of 200 expats performed by Robin Pascoe, author of “A Moveable Marriage: Relocate Your Relationship without Breaking It.” Ms. Pascoe talked with The Wall Street Journal about these issues.

The Journal noted:

Most executives who move overseas for work go with a partner. Among more than 31,000 expatriates surveyed for a 2003 GMAC Global Relocation Services report, 60% were married. But only 16% of spouses who worked before they left home also worked in their new country either because the new country’s work visa rules don’t allow it, or because the spouse chose not to seek employment — or couldn’t find a job.

“People have relationship challenges all over the world, and they become magnified when you’re living far away from home,” Ms. Pascoe told the Journal. “A relationship doesn’t pack up like a piece of furniture.”

And let’s be honest, guys. There are going to be direct challenges to the marriage from Chinese women who are more than happy to fling themselves at laowai – and often, vice versa.

According to the humorous but more-true-than-not book, Stuff White People Like, “Asian Girls” ranks 11 on the list of 150 items.

“Ninety-five percent of white males have, at one point in their lives, experienced yellow fever,” the book notes. “Take, for instance, the fact that Asian women well into their thirties and forties retain teen or college-girl looks without the help of Botox, yoga, or a trendy diet.”

Sorry, foreign wives. Though unfair, this isn’t altogether untrue.

Given the certain personal relationship challenges of picking up and moving a family to China for business, how do you make the first step? How do you convince your spouse to do it? Note: Although methods of convincing wives are discussed below, the core suggestions also can be applied to husbands.

An article on “Convincing Your Spouse To Go With Your Garage Floor Plans” gets the ball rolling.

Bargain over details in another part of the home. If you don’t care about the layout of the kitchen and your spouse does, agree to let the spouse design that area if you can have the garage the way that you want it.

In other words, inquire as to whether there’s something your wife always wanted to do, and then let her do it. Have you been neglecting her desire to buy a home in the countryside? Well, buy it before you go, and tell her you’ll only agree to rent it out for 3 years. After that, you’ll be relocating back to it.

The article also suggests:

Order some garage plans that are similar to what you have in mind. Seeing the picture may help your spouse see that the design is right for your home.

In other words, paint a picture of what life in China would be like. Get some pictures of the school your kids will attend and the homey apartment you’ll be living in. Make her an album of the places you’ll be going together. Tell her your children will be multilingual, #78 among the Stuff White People Like.

Give her an expensive night on the town. According to this article on “Convincing Your Spouse That Online Business Is Viable” (Hah!):

Take your spouse out for dinner, and casually mention that the money being used came from your online business. This does wonders for helping a spouse realize that life can become a lot nicer thanks to the money you’ll be earning online.

According to The Wall Street Journal, you also have to:

• Be clear about why you’re making the move.
• Keep sight of your values – what’s important in the relationship.
• Be ready to be patient. It will take 18 months to adjust completely to the new home away from home.
• See if your partner or spouse could be included in relocation briefings.
• Make sure that the move seriously will be good for both you and your spouse.

And finally, a few good quotes from wikiHow on “How to Convince Your Spouse to Follow Your Expectations”:

• No person can be ordered to do the bidding of another, but he or she may consent to follow when your loving leadership is observed.
• Your spouse did not vow to become your slave. You did not promise to follow his or her bidding either. When your spouse does not do as you wish, you should always respond with respect and love, never hostility. When you were married, you made certain vows of loyalty: to honor, love, cherish and so on. By your self-less behavior, convince your spouse of your sincere loyalty and respect.
• When you ask your partner to do something, use a tone of voice filled with respect and affection. Use words that allow your partner to make his or her own decision and not feel coerced or manipulated. Speak as you want your partner to speak to you.
• Listen as you want your partner to listen to you.

Follow these golden rules, and you may find yourself singing to Sinatra on the way to Shanghai – in harmony.

    Channel: Vital News     |